Insomnia == Desire

I had to get to work early today so I could attent a seminar: "Principles of Giant Robots". Mostly review for me, but, it is good to stay up to date.

I managed to get out of bed at 5:30 in the am, so I could get there on time, and I was half-asleep all day.

When I am tired, I lose my grip on my scientific detachment and businesslike attitude. Through most of the class, I was staring at another engineer.

He was so hot. Short hair, nice build. I just stared at him with lust in my heart, imagining what it would be like to touch him, touch his hair, touch his face.

Funny. If I'd had my 8 hours of sleep, I wouldn't have lost my grip on my id. I probably would have barely noticed him.

Want to avoid sin? Start off with a good night's sleep.

He's straight, of course. I hope he didn't catch me looking.

JBAC Report

The block club, the lowest and most local rung of the tremendous monstrosity that is the government of the city of Los Angeles, meets every 3rd Saturday in the function room of the local Methodist church. This was my second meeting of the JBAC block club.

JBAC is Jefferson, La Brea, Adams, and Crenshaw, just so you know. The "B" used to be Buckinham, I think, but, they're trying to expand.

At the block club, one of the leaders stalls and vamps until the city councilman Herb Wesson's representative, the loquatious and animated Mr Lord, shows up. Mr Lord then tells us about the great things that the city council is doing. This week, there was the opening of the new Denny's and Goodwil on the site of the old bowling alley on Crenshaw Blvd. Then he reminds us that if we want something done, we should first call 311, then call him when the city (inevitably) fails to do anything, so that he can apply extra pressure.

Afterwards, the LAPD rep tells us about the local crimes this month. (Murder on Adams Ave this month. Gang related, so they say.) Then he takes a litany of complaints. Even I know that there is nothing the police can do, since most of the nuisance stuff is too small fry for the most underpoliced big city in the nation. But it is nice that they try.

I would like the meeting better if there were snacks. That would really complete the whole town-hall-meeting atmosphere. But is really is our own bit of Stars Hollow right here in South LA.

Obsessing over Kingdom

Kingdom comes up in a lot of conversations these days: the idea that part of the divine plan is for humanity to try to create God's Kingdom here on earth instead.

"Love thy neighbor as thyself" is not just a feeling but a call to action.

But if that is so, what actions should we be performing? How should this love of neighbor be being expressed?

Here are a couple of biblical stories...

A paralyzed man wanted to go to Jesus for healing. His four friends carried him there on a mat, and when they couldn't get in the door because of the crowd, they climbed up on the roof, made a hole in it, and lowered the man down through it.

A guy was mugged while on travel. He was left naked and bleeding by the side of the road. Another guy saw him, got him cleaned up, gave him a lift into town, and put him up in a hotel room for a couple of nights.

A kid wants his inheritance from his dad, and whines until his dad gives it to him, half of all his posessions. The kid leaves town and blows the whole wad partying and drinking, and ends up penniless, working as a farmhand. He's not making enough to make ends meet, and goes hungry often. He goes back to his dad. The father, instead of being angry that all the money was gone, celebrated his return and threw a party with some serious BBQ.

If only the whole Bible were so uplifting and simple. Unfortunately you really have to search hard for sections like these. Mostly the bible says stuff like

"Sorry. Too late. Enemy fire will burn you up. Swords will cut you to pieces. You'll be chewed up as if by locusts. Yes, as if by locusts--a fitting fate, for you yourselves are a locust plague. You've multiplied shops and shopkeepers-- more buyers and sellers than stars in the sky! A plague of locusts, cleaning out the neighborhood and then flying off."

Or perhaps

"On the appointed day Herod, wearing his royal robes, sat on his throne and delivered a public address to the people. They shouted, "This is the voice of a god, not of a man." Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died."

None of this really help me with my conundrums. Which is more of a "love thy neighbor" type of thing. Do I pull out my lawn and replace it with low-water plants, saving water for agriculture but possibly lowering my neighbors' property values by transforming my manicured lawn into shaggy scrub? Do I eat at El Pollo Loco, helping to keep local jobs but wasting resources by eating (inefficiently and cruelly produced) farmed poultry? Do I drive, allowing me to spent more time at work developing life-saving Giant Robots, or do I bike, helping to prevent global warming?

Busy Day Down in JCAB

Sirens all round this evening, with half-a-dozen firetrucks dousing a blaze behind JP's liquor store.

A new haircut for me.

No relationship between the two events, of course.

I don't know

If somebody offered you $400 to clean your room, would you do it? Of course you would.

That is where I am. All I need to do is finish cleaning this room, and I can rent it out. Start pulling in some cash to blow on the weekends.

But I can't seem to do it, because of the box.

The box sits there. I can't seem to sort through it, to throw it away. In its present form it is just clutter: faded papers from days long gone.

If I knew what it contained, it would be easier to discard it. It is because I don't remember that I can't throw it away.

How did I get to be this person? Obsessive, anhedonistic, funny and sad. There must have been a continuum of changes, adiabatic processes, acretions of the soul. But I don't remember what they are, or how I got here, or what I used to be. I remember the facts, but, not the important feelings.

There might be some clue to who I am in the faded papers in the box.