Last Swim

Sunday was my last training swim for the upcoming Malibu Triathlon. I'm afraid of the water, of being so far out that I can't touch the bottom, so, the swim is all about fear control.

My heart races. I start to panic. I can't breathe deeply or enough. But there is no way around it. Just recognize the fear, acknowledge it, try to breathe steady, and move on.

Coming back in to shore is the worst part. Once I see how far away the shore it, I begin to push too hard, believing that I will run out of breath before I make it back. And once the waves start to throw off my breathing, I start to feel like I'm going to die 30 yards from land.

I really don't want to drown in 10 foot deep water, because then I'd look like an idiot on my obituary.

Keep it steady. Take 50 strokes. Float for a 20 count. Repeat until done or dead.

There is a purpose to this. The think I hate the most about myself is when I feel ineffectual or impotent. I want to be a man.