Sanity

My last year at Megatech was hard. The United Nations was under the mistaken impression that the last 10% of Giant Robot would be the easiest. There were fewer hands to carry the load. It was grinding me down.

I don't thrive under such circumstances, not do I crumble. I manage. The quality remains acceptable, but, my generosity of spirit diminishes. It brings out my latent impatience and arrogance.

In retrospect, I could have been more professional. I complained about some team members to other team members. I'd sit in my cube and be angry instead of being efficient. I had no outside life, so vented about work to co-workers while at work. Bad karma.

I was depressed.

And now I am less depressed. The work here at Network 23 is easier and less time consuming, allowing me to focus on me.

I've been better, working the basic non-drug depression program
1. Eat well
2. Get exercise
3. Spend time with friends and family
4. Get 1 hour of sun every day
5. Get a full night's sleep
This time around, with less work and less driving, the basic plan is working. I feel good.

My depressive tendencies go hand in hand with a sort of mania, and this mania is part of the reason I've been successful. Before and after I'm depressed, I'll read and research and code and hack alone in my room in front of the computer.

But last week I let things slide a little: eating badly, exercising erratically. So by Sunday, I was feeling more like old Spike. I spent all day in my room researching XPath querying of XML trees and the underlying protocols of the Shoutcast and Icecast streaming servers. I rewired my computers, and fixed my home network. I read the manual for GStreamer. I entertained the idea of buying a vt420 so I could check the validity of my old NCurses code. It felt good.

It felt real good. But down that path lies destruction.